söndag den tjugofemte november

my friend's child came safely into this world. i've never felt so happy to hear of a child's birth.

the past few days, it was actually cold. it wasn't cold today, but from thursday through saturday, it was cold. i thought the cold would never come.

i saw two old friends from california this weekend. it was really nice. :) i also spent the evening before thanksgiving with my new friend from school. it was really great! i've actually had a social life the past few days. i'm usually down in my little hermit den where no one hears from me. tomorrow, it's back to the old work and study routine, but the semester's over in a few weeks. my sister crabbed that she was too tired to have the thanksgiving dinner we'd planned, so we ended up going out to dinner at a little restaurant. it was nice. she and her fiance are going back to cali for christmas. my dad and i are staying here. it'll be my first christmas without my mother. i'm still not talking to her. i'm not ready to. she's seeing a therapist, though, so maybe she's finally gaining some self-discovery and self-reflection skills to get her beyond the jekyll and hyde martyr role.

so obviously, no one reads my blog, because it's my own boring personal blabbing, but i do think it's fun to see who accidentally happens upon it. that is the reason for my little clustr maps thingy. someone in northern europe seems to lurk here a tiny bit. the clustr map is so shitty that i can't tell if the person is in the netherlands, belgium, northern germany or denmark. the clustr dot of the mystery person takes over a big swath of that area, and i can't tell exactly where they are. i'm sad not to have anyone from norway happening upon my little site. maybe someday.

i am going to sweden this coming summer, and i'm stopping in iceland on the way. i'm gonna teach myself a little icelandic before i go. i am currently reading jar city by arnaldur indriðason, too. it's captivating! i've gotta get an iceland guidebook and a little icelandic phrasebook. it's time to go to scandinavia again. :) what i wouldn't give to sit my ass in an icelandic hot spring right now!!!

the dreams about my old love andy continue every fucking night. he's haunting me constantly. i wonder if he is thinking of me way over where he is? when one person's spirit is haunted so much by another person, does that other person have the one person in mind? i feel like there's this little string of spider webbing that is connecting us somehow. and, i feel like if i actually saw him again, we'd lean towards each other until we were kissing. and then, i don't know if we'd ever be able to let go of each other. i don't see how we could. the whole point of us keeping ourselves separated as teenagers was because we could either do that or be totally and intensely entwined. there was no middle ground for us. i don't think there could be one in the future if we met again, either. he has his girlfriend. i would like to have my own special someone, too. we can have our lives with our respective significant others and have our respective families, and hopefully have our respective happinesses. maybe i'll stop dreaming about him once my future significant other comes along. i hope so.