måndag den trettioförsta december

the last day of 2007. i'm sitting on my ass like i've been for the past two weeks. i have to get up and go take a shower and get ready to go to my sister's fiance's house.

i wish so much that i could find another person to love and be loved by. someone who will accept me as i am. someone i can accept as they are. i have the deep fear that i won't ever find it in another man.

i kinda look forward to spring semester starting again. during this break, i have been laying in my bed for hours a day thinking of how alone i am. thinking of how i have lost the loves of my life and may not ever get another chance. it's very painful.

i have to go get ready for the new year's eve party now. i'm not excited about another year because i fear it will be yet another year empty of love.

i might enlist the services of the firefighter again soon.