health is wealth

i barely smoke anymore. i usually only do it if i am drinking, and you will be happy to hear that i drink a lot less now than i did when i worked at that job i had. i still drink several times a week, but i'm betting that will go way down once i become a student again. i won't be able to study if i'm high, so the alcohol consumption will go way down. i remember at oberlin, i would drink on fridays at "TGIF', and once in a while at parties, but that was it. i am gonna be a total nerd at grad school. study and work, study and work, study and work. anyway, the anti-depressant i'm taking is what's making it so easy not to smoke. i forget to smoke. that's what happens. it doesn't usually even cross my mind unless i'm drinking.

i am addicted to salads. i love eating them. i love to eat the greenie-greens and then i love to have kidney beans, olives, tomatoes, cucumbers, mushrooms, carrots and beets in my salads, too. i want to be healthy, no matter what i weigh. i mean, i want my insides to be healthy, and they ARE pretty damn healthy...probably healthier than a lot of skinny folks' insides. my outsides are not so healthy. my knees hurt when i go up and down stairs and my feet continue to give me problems here and there. i sweat too much. i have acne. i have too many facial orifice exretions. i think the acne and excretions and (partly) the sweat are due to living in a toxic environment. new york city is toxic. i want to try to counter that as much as possible by ingesting really healthy things. the healthy foods also help my mental state. i have had knee and foot problems for eons, but i think they are exascerbated by my weight. it probably also exascerbates the sweating, but i feel like i never sweated this much until i moved to nyc.

i got a medical bill for $3,000 in the mail the other day, and am freaking out about it. i can't pay $3,000. i can pay it very slowly in small increments. if the medical office does not accept installment payments, then i might as well consider my perfect credit to go in the gutter. yeah, i have managed to keep my credit perfect all of this time i've been broke. i'm in more debt now than ever before. I just try to tell myself that I will pay as much as I can on it each month, and deal with the problem more after I graduate.

there's a new temp to take over the other empty position here in the department i work at in the music venue. he is really cute and cool, and i can't tell what his sexual orientation is. i really, truly can't, and i would not ever ask him. he's from las vegas. he's 3 years younger than i am. he's waiting to hear if he got into grad school to become a psychotherapist. he moved here like, 6 months after i did. yeah. cute boy, no chance. my friend and her brother-in-law are playing at a venue downtown tonight; it's the brother-in-law who is waaaay attached (he owns a condo with his girlfriend), but with whom i share waaaay chemistry. i wanna see him, and then i don't. i am also so tired from the week and have cramps. i think i'll just go home. my dad went to the doctor (the cute one with whom i have mad chemistry) and the doctor asked my dad like, 40 questions about me and how i am doing, and my dad told him everything, and the doctor said he could give me samples of my anti-depressants when i run out of my supply. i have been meaning to e-mail him since then. maybe i will do that this weekend.