Jag saknar dig, men ännu har jag inte träffat dig.
The English boy is very special, but he's not "The One". Thank God, because I really couldn't handle trans-Atlantic romance. Once in my life was enough. I've been depressed and upset wanting so much for him to be The One because he's so great, and not wanting him to be The One because he's across the ocean. Well he's not The One. He just isn't. I wish I had found The One, but I didn't. I know it in my gut and heart and spirit. I finally let myself feel the reality of having an amazing connection to someone and thinking he's beautiful, yet knowing he's not The One. My heart is tender for the boy, but he's not The One.
Please God, let The One live right here in New York City, preferably in Queens. Alex once said, after he died, that I would share my life with a man in the future. He said I had many, many men around me and one of them would be my partner in the future. So, I guess that man is here in NYC. Alex, you'd better be right! Can't you pull some strings up there and help this guy come along faster? Alex says, "I'm not a genie!" :p :)
I'm reminded of the song by Björk that goes, "I miss you, but I haven't met you yet."
This is what I want for my life: have a career in the social work field. Have a life partner with whom I live and hopefully care for a doggy with. Live with partner in a place that is not past the end of the subway line. Someday, have children with the life partner (but I can't see myself having kids in this crazy city). That's all I ask for, God. I see other people who have these things, and I ask, "Why not me?" Why can't I have those things? A job I like and a partner with whom to share my life. That's all I ask for. That's it. Why can't I have those simple things? Why is everything such a fucking struggle for me? Can I have it easy for once? Please? I have so much love in my heart. May I please have another human being in my life with whom to share that love? Don't you want me to love and cherish another one of your children, God? Because I will love and cherish him and appreciate every day with him to the fullest. You know that. Please give me the gift of him and him the gift of me.
P.S. You'll be glad to know that I haven't been slagging around lately, although I wanted to hook up with the firefighter again...
Please God, let The One live right here in New York City, preferably in Queens. Alex once said, after he died, that I would share my life with a man in the future. He said I had many, many men around me and one of them would be my partner in the future. So, I guess that man is here in NYC. Alex, you'd better be right! Can't you pull some strings up there and help this guy come along faster? Alex says, "I'm not a genie!" :p :)
I'm reminded of the song by Björk that goes, "I miss you, but I haven't met you yet."
This is what I want for my life: have a career in the social work field. Have a life partner with whom I live and hopefully care for a doggy with. Live with partner in a place that is not past the end of the subway line. Someday, have children with the life partner (but I can't see myself having kids in this crazy city). That's all I ask for, God. I see other people who have these things, and I ask, "Why not me?" Why can't I have those things? A job I like and a partner with whom to share my life. That's all I ask for. That's it. Why can't I have those simple things? Why is everything such a fucking struggle for me? Can I have it easy for once? Please? I have so much love in my heart. May I please have another human being in my life with whom to share that love? Don't you want me to love and cherish another one of your children, God? Because I will love and cherish him and appreciate every day with him to the fullest. You know that. Please give me the gift of him and him the gift of me.
P.S. You'll be glad to know that I haven't been slagging around lately, although I wanted to hook up with the firefighter again...
posted by Blåbär Björn at 04:52
1 Comments:
I'm sorry he's not The One. I have my complaints about R... but we love each other so much. I too wonder about goodness and life. We had so much love for our baby and he was taken away. "Why us?" is always in my mind. As they say, stop thinking about it and it will happen. Maybe when you get your social work stuff done and over? Write soon.
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