Jag tycker om honom

hi

i have a crush.

this is boring news to the blog community, but it's not boring to me. this is mainly a blog about how a girl who lost her partner to sudden death is trying to rebuild her heart and life. such a girl as i would feel that crushes are a big deal. yeah, i officially have a crush on "boy at work". jesus. boy and i could talk forever about things, but we can't...we have to do our work!!! and, i still have not established boy's sexual orientation. boy mentioned that boy had a crush on a girl who came out to him as a lesbian. so, i think that boy might like girls. but my gaydar goes off around boy! and boy is so hard to figure out! many things are at play here. boy and i are temporarily colleagues (we're both temps), boy has TWO FULL-TIME JOBS, boy has other shit going on on top of his two full-time jobs, etc.....and this bitch here has already learned not to mix with colleagues on a romantic level. eek. okay. i have crush on boy. we could be best friends, which is the main ingredient of a lasting love relationship. i know it. alex and i could talk forever and ever and ever and were best fucking friends in the universe, and that was our basis. i could talk to boy at work about any fucking thing. the spark is in my heart. who knows. maybe boy at work is an example that god is giving me that there is another boy out there for me. maybe boy and i can be more to each other after we stop being colleagues in a few weeks. maybe boy is gay and we will become best friends. maybe boy was simply in my life to remind me of what best boy friends feel like. cuz i haven't been in living contact with a best boy friend since alex died. not that boy can be compared to alex. however, the closeness i naturally and immediately feel to boy at work reminds me a lot of how i was with alex. anyway, someday, i will have my boy. boy at work has a complicated history, like i do. :) more later.