idag är skit
today is shit. nothing is going well, except for that i'm doing okay on ebay.
i don't have temp work. this is my 7th day of not having any. i keep calling the woman at the temp agency, but she does not answer or return my calls. did someone complain about me for something? have they decided not to give me temp work anymore? if so, why don't they just TELL me that?!?!?
i thought i had over $2,000 coming to me from the other part of my retirement savings plan. i thought it was coming to me in a lump sum like the other part did. no, i was wrong. this part of the retirement money is being paid back to me in 10 installments over NINE YEARS. so i got about $300 from them, but they got my bank account number wrong, so i have to get them to reissue the transfer to my account.
i saw a room in an apartment on saturday. a brother and sister. they are nice and the apt. is nice, but the general living space is so plain. i love to decorate, and i have a feeling that my decorating sense would not be welcome there. i would also feel like i'm the odd one out since they're brother and sister and i'm the newcomer to their space. i e-mailed the sister on sunday and asked about what she wants in a roommate in terms of being a new person coming into an already established household, and how she wants the newcomer to fit in. she hasn't written back.
i saw another room last evening. straight white guy with really leftist politics. nice apartment. it seemed like he was awkward and maybe uncomfortable around me. i dunno if it's because he's never had a female roommate before (and has a girlfriend who might not like him having a female roommate?), or what. i don't know what he thinks of me. he's a vegetarian and very neat and clean and has a great decorating sense and would welcome a roommate's decorative additions. i e-mailed him today and told him i felt good about living there. i do, except for his awkwardness. maybe he's just plain shy. i dunno.
the third person i've been talking to is the friend of a friend who is being flakey with me. it seems like she has an incredible living situation, though. does she not understand that i am in limbo and her flakiness is truly unhelpful to me?
yeah, so, this $2,000 i thought i'd be getting is nonexistent now, and i honestly don't know how i'll pay for first month's rent and deposit in a place, and if i keep on not getting temp gigs because the fucking agency has decided to drop me without telling me, what the fuck am i going to do?!?!?
and my partner is dead, and i couldn't be with his family for it, and i feel very fucking alone in my grief, and everything is fucking shitty. it's all fucking shit. and i drank last night. i bought a pint of rum and made cuba libres and got drunk and poured the remaining 1/3 of the bottle down the drain, and felt like drunk shit. it did nothing good for me, just made me angry at myself for screwing up staying sober.
i wonder if i'm not getting temp work anymore because someone complained about me to the temp agency. what did i do wrong? the last assignment i was on, i was only there in case the admin. assistant had to leave in an emergency (his father is sick). they had no work for me to do. for seven workdays, i did nothing because they had nothing for me to do. during those slow days, i checked my e-mail and ebay a few times on the computer of the woman whose desk i was using (she was on vacation). on my last day, i cleared the internet history and the temporary internet files. did she complain to the temp agency that i did that? did they decide i was a bad worker and that they would not give me work anymore, but then the agency woman won't face me and tell me that?
i feel like a failure at everything, and i am really scared that i am going to fuck up graduate school and not become a social worker cuz i'm too fucked up, and then have tens of thousands of dollars in student loans to pay off. what if i fuck up once again on something big that i try? will my life ever work out well? will i ever succeed at life? or will it continue to be one big failure after another?
i don't have temp work. this is my 7th day of not having any. i keep calling the woman at the temp agency, but she does not answer or return my calls. did someone complain about me for something? have they decided not to give me temp work anymore? if so, why don't they just TELL me that?!?!?
i thought i had over $2,000 coming to me from the other part of my retirement savings plan. i thought it was coming to me in a lump sum like the other part did. no, i was wrong. this part of the retirement money is being paid back to me in 10 installments over NINE YEARS. so i got about $300 from them, but they got my bank account number wrong, so i have to get them to reissue the transfer to my account.
i saw a room in an apartment on saturday. a brother and sister. they are nice and the apt. is nice, but the general living space is so plain. i love to decorate, and i have a feeling that my decorating sense would not be welcome there. i would also feel like i'm the odd one out since they're brother and sister and i'm the newcomer to their space. i e-mailed the sister on sunday and asked about what she wants in a roommate in terms of being a new person coming into an already established household, and how she wants the newcomer to fit in. she hasn't written back.
i saw another room last evening. straight white guy with really leftist politics. nice apartment. it seemed like he was awkward and maybe uncomfortable around me. i dunno if it's because he's never had a female roommate before (and has a girlfriend who might not like him having a female roommate?), or what. i don't know what he thinks of me. he's a vegetarian and very neat and clean and has a great decorating sense and would welcome a roommate's decorative additions. i e-mailed him today and told him i felt good about living there. i do, except for his awkwardness. maybe he's just plain shy. i dunno.
the third person i've been talking to is the friend of a friend who is being flakey with me. it seems like she has an incredible living situation, though. does she not understand that i am in limbo and her flakiness is truly unhelpful to me?
yeah, so, this $2,000 i thought i'd be getting is nonexistent now, and i honestly don't know how i'll pay for first month's rent and deposit in a place, and if i keep on not getting temp gigs because the fucking agency has decided to drop me without telling me, what the fuck am i going to do?!?!?
and my partner is dead, and i couldn't be with his family for it, and i feel very fucking alone in my grief, and everything is fucking shitty. it's all fucking shit. and i drank last night. i bought a pint of rum and made cuba libres and got drunk and poured the remaining 1/3 of the bottle down the drain, and felt like drunk shit. it did nothing good for me, just made me angry at myself for screwing up staying sober.
i wonder if i'm not getting temp work anymore because someone complained about me to the temp agency. what did i do wrong? the last assignment i was on, i was only there in case the admin. assistant had to leave in an emergency (his father is sick). they had no work for me to do. for seven workdays, i did nothing because they had nothing for me to do. during those slow days, i checked my e-mail and ebay a few times on the computer of the woman whose desk i was using (she was on vacation). on my last day, i cleared the internet history and the temporary internet files. did she complain to the temp agency that i did that? did they decide i was a bad worker and that they would not give me work anymore, but then the agency woman won't face me and tell me that?
i feel like a failure at everything, and i am really scared that i am going to fuck up graduate school and not become a social worker cuz i'm too fucked up, and then have tens of thousands of dollars in student loans to pay off. what if i fuck up once again on something big that i try? will my life ever work out well? will i ever succeed at life? or will it continue to be one big failure after another?
posted by Blåbär Björn at 17:31
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