kolsyrad

it was hotter than a monkey's armpit today. i am currently temping near south street seaport. i was there today and yesterday, and i'll be there all of next week. i literally read books almost the entire time. i'm filling in for someone on vacation, and she must not have much to do at her job. what little she does do is either being done by the administrative assistant while she's gone, or is on the back burner until she comes back. this is what i've done in terms of work: put three small piles of documents through the shredder, cut a high pile of paper into fourths to be used as notepaper, answered about five phone calls while the admin asst. was on break, and that's about it. i'm not complaining, though. i have a very good book to read: the wind-up bird chronicle by haruki murakami. i am really, really digging the book. it's hard to put down. anyway, the admin. asst. at my temp assignment is this grumpy, disgruntled, middle-aged, balding, bespectacled irish-american man. he has some of the sharpest wit and biting sarcasm ever, and he makes up hilarious metaphors. he kvetches about many of his colleagues by using the above tools. i don't know how he makes up some of this stuff he says; his comic mind is just about genius. i laugh half the day, but i also feel sad, because behind the humor are his boredom and unhappiness. yeah, his job is pretty fucking boring, and he works in a basement. fuck. thank god he has such great humor! and he works very close to the water, which helps make it more bearable. i love going outside at lunch, letting the sun and wind wash over me. there are lots of benches outside of the building on which to sit and eat lunch. i didn't have that at the last temp assignment, which was in a stocky building that butted right up against the hustle and bustle of midtown. whenever i did take a lunch break (which wasn't often), i usually just ate it at my desk. anyway, my commute to this current assignment is from hell. yesterday, i took the j train in, but i swear that that train is the slowest subway line in the city. i was about to get up on the seat, screech like a squirrel, and do scratchiti on the friggin subway window with my fingernails after 45 minutes of stopping at every goddamn station as well as chugging along at 10 miles an hour between each of those closely-spaced stations. jesus! anyway, i took the friggin' express train today, even though it takes about 10 more minutes to get to my destination (because the express goes all the way through queens, midtown, and downtown manhattan while the j cuts through queens and brooklyn on a diagonal towards lower manhattan). at least on the express, it doesn't feel like the train driver is a sadist testing our patience and trying to break the world record of the slowest subway ride, like how riding the j feels. plus, there were some funky people on the j train. funky-smelling, i mean.

tomorrow night, i am going to a party that the girlfriend of my queens friend is throwing. i'd like to call the girlfriend my friend as well. she lives in the bronx. let's call her my friend in the bronx who is girlfriends with my queens friend. tomorrow during the day, i have to clean my lair. there are other things i have to do soon, too. it's a struggle. i often don't do all i plan to do. and vows to diet and stop drinking get broken over and over and over. i wish i could keep seeing my therapist but i just don't see where the money can come from. maybe i can figure something out. i think i would really benefit from going to see her again. i haven't been to her since like, december or january. yeah, i am still struggling with things. i want to quit drinking alcohol altogether, because it is still a problem for me. i haven't been doing so well on my diet the past few days. i feel like such a fuck-up. a lazy, slobby, weak fuck-up. i don't always eat right, i drink 3-4 times a week, i haven't looked much for scholarships, i haven't looked at all for a place to live in harlem. no, i am far from perfect, but i am really good at talking to other people who are far from perfect, and that is one reason why i am going to social work school in the fall.

lighter note: i got my cassette deck yesterday. it works well, though i have to turn up the volume on my stereo when using it (or anything "auxillary") because, though my stereo itself is awesome, it is a little bookshelf stereo and doesn't process input at 100%. also, since the stereo only has auxillary input (and no output), i cannot record from cds played on the stereo onto cassettes on my deck. shit! well, right now, i am listening to a mix of yvonne chaka chaka, lucky dube, and fela & afrika 70. yeah, i am going to be listening to my tapes all damn night. the title of this post means "carbonated" in swedish. this is because i hope to place my thirst for alcohol onto sodas instead. this is not just due to my recurring dreams about the soda shack. i developed a big beer-drinking problem while living in canada, and the problem followed me when i moved back to the states. at some point months later, i became fascinated by all of the different old-fashioned sodas that this one grocery in town had, and i decided to turn my beer obsession into soda obsession. it worked. i had a soda every evening after i came home from work, instead of one of those big, strong belgian ales that are like, 9% alcohol. i drank not just any soda, but a frostie blue cream or a faygo redpop or a grape nehi or a sioux city sarsaparilla or a moxie. i fuckin' LOVE IT. i haven't seen any classic sodas in new york city, except for boylan. why?!?!? it's so weird how i can find a plethora of classic sodas in a regular ol' grocery store in cowtown california, but i haven't seen them anywhere in new york city. yeah, these classic sodas have calories and they are bad for my teeth, but they are much better for me to drink than alcohol is. i have too much native american and scandinavian blood in me for alcohol to be able to sit well in my system. my body does NOT process alcohol well. i think i am somewhat allergic to it, if that's possible, and it's the people like me, with a genetic frailty concerning alcohol, who can find it easier to develop a problem with it. well, in the wind-up bird chronicle, the main character toru okada has taken up sucking lemon drops instead of smoking. if i can't find my special sodas readily available, i may have to find something else liquid to help get me off the booze. this morning i considered coffee, but i don't like the taste of coffee, nor do i like the way it makes my breath smell, and i am truly glad that caffeine is NOT one of my addictions. well, i could get obsessed with herbal teas, but it's the wrong season for that (i like my tea hot). i will think of something that i can use as my own "lemon drops". i want to be free of alchohol before i begin school.

i am gonna shut up and go veg out now.