it's over

so, today was my last day at the temp assignment. the assignment was seven weeks long. today was a whirlwind day of tying up loose ends, getting out a mass mailing (almost 450 letters), training the newbies, cleaning my desk area, etc. my boss gave me a card and present at the end. she gave me three music cds. her card said the following: "heartfelt thanks to you for all of your magnificent work these past weeks for our project. your dedication and passion for accuracy, plus a great sense of humor and healthy perspective on 'storm and stress' added so much positive atmosphere! i can't thank you enough, wondertemp! good luck in september with your studies. best of luck, thanks again!". i just about cried, but other people were watching, so maybe i felt too self-conscious to shed tears. i left about an hour after she did, and i left a card on her desk right before i left. i can't believe it's over. i didn't feel like a temp. i felt like a bona fide employee. she says she would have scooped me up to be her employee if it weren't for me going back to school in the fall. well, i hope that the venue will need more assistance soon, and that i will be called to come back. that would be nice! in the meantime, i told the temp agency that i need monday and tuesday to just chill out, and i'll be available for temp work again on wednesday. that means i could possibly miss two days of income, but i need time off, and i'd like to go to the foundation center to look for scholarships. yeah, i have been shitty about looking for scholarships so far. i haven't really looked yet. i guess it's a mixture of fear and feeling overwhelmed and feeling tired from work. i really worked my fucking ass off at this temp job; my boss told me that i went way above and beyond what was expected of me. :)

exmo never e-mailed me at my work address to tell me his phone number, and he doesn't have any of my personal info, so i guess i won't be seeing him again. i suspected that would be the case. he never showed interest in taking lunch with me or hanging out after work on days he didn't have to go work at the restaurant. it felt like we had such a great relationship all those weeks; it seemed to me like we truly clicked. other people commented on what a pair we were. i'm sad that it turns out he doesn't want to be my friend outside of that. it makes me wonder if the great rapport was all in my own mind, but others commented on it, so i don't think it was just something i imagined. maybe he can't deal with the kind of deep friendship we're capable of. i've had the experience of having a really intense connection with someone who just could not handle building anything from it. :( it sucks!!!

so, even though i am exhausted to the bone from all of this work and hubbub, i am going to go volunteer in manhattan tomorrow. i'm helping to prepare for the AIDS walk on sunday. i won't actually be in the AIDS walk on sunday, but i want to help prepare for it (specifically prepare food and drink for the walkers). i would do the walk if my feet were in perfect shape (i have plantar fasciitis which is much better now, but i don't wanna push it) and i had new shoes (my running shoes are old and a mess, which is another thing i need to take care of with that retirement payout). i am contributing to the walk as i can.

there's a kitty under the car parked 10 feet away from me, and it knows i'm here, but it's just sitting there. a few minutes ago, it was closer to me, examining something on the ground, and it wasn't scared off by me sitting here looking at it and softly speaking to it. i have good animal karma. sometimes, it's upsetting, though. why, on a garbage-stewn sidewalk, while i was focused on getting to the bus stop before the bus came, did i somehow notice this tiny, tiny baby bird laying there on the sidewalk amongst the trash? well, i did. it must have been a newly hatched bird that fell from its nest (or had died in its nest and was pushed out). it was soooo tiny. i noticed it, and i thought about what i should do. at first i walked past it, but no. i can't walk past a dead animal and do nothing. i went back and gingerly picked it up and took it to a little grassy area by a tree some feet away, and laid it down under the tree and arranged twigs around it. if i hadn't been nervous about the bus (and had had some sort of scooping implement), i would have dug a little grave for the bird, right there on the side of a busy, dirty, garbage-strewn street. maybe the bird is still there (even though it's rained hard since then), and i can go give it a proper burial? i might bring it back here and bury it with moritz, the sick squirrel i found in the front yard last fall and had tried to save. ...update: the kitty was trying to drink from water pooled at the bottom of a water spout, so i went inside and put water in a dish and put it next to the spout (about two feet away from the car it's now sitting under). kitty didn't run away when i went over and put the dish down. this is how my mother came to adopt a cat: a stray visited her backyard and she fed it, and it came back, and she fed it again, and soon, that little cat became my mother's own friend. yeah, it's been about five years, and that cat is a full part of my mother's house! hmmm....is that what's going to happen with me and this kitty? stay tuned...

anyway, it's almost 9:45 and i still haven't eaten dinner, so i must leave the kitty under the car and the water bowl, and go make something to eat. :) goodnight!