jag har inte råd...eller?

this post is mostly about money. specifically, united states dollars $$$.

i got my financial aid award today. columbia university gave me NO SCHOLARSHIP. i didn't expect much of a scholarship from them; i know that grad schools don't hand out the big buck scholarships like undergrad schools do. but, i expected something. i got NO SCHOLARSHIP. anyway, i got a federal subsidized stafford loan, a federal unsubsidized stafford loan, and a federal grad plus loan. my first year of grad school, with every single expense included (e.g. room, board, travel, personal stuff, books, etc.), has been calculated as totaling $53,000. yeah, that's a lot of fucking money! anyway, i think i'll need less than that, because i live pretty simply and frugally. my big project for the next few months is: GET SCHOLARSHIPS!!! then, when i am awarded scholarships, i will tell the financial aid office, and i can lessen my grad plus loan. there are a lot of quirky scholarships out there that are lesser-known. i am going to find them and apply for them. i am a quirky individual with lots of quirky traits, and i'm sure i qualify for different quirky scholarships. plus, i'll apply for the less quirky ones. but, even in the worst case scenario, i'll be over $100,000 in debt. well, i will pay it off, then! someday, i will be a social worker, and though social workers don't get paid big bucks, i will make a livable income from which i can pay off my debt. i will also meet "love of my life #3" and sharing a life with another person will save me money. yes, i am a hopeless romantic, but i also know the practical reasons for hitching up with someone. :)

the second item on the money agenda is that i am going to take the money out of my retirement fund to pay off the $3,000 medical bill. yes, i had over $5,000 that was sitting in a retirement fund the whole time i went through joblessness (which was over 6 months). no, i never touched it no matter how desperate i was. i was never quite desperate enough, i told myself, to touch it. i maxed out my credit cards and pimped my wares on ebay, and god knows what else, to get by. actually, i think it's a miracle i got by for that long on hardly any income. i had to ask my father and mother for money once; i got $400 from him and $400 from her, and i only asked them out of complete and utter desperation. yeah, isn't that amazing that i got by? i am soooo thankful for these two months of temp work that i have had. i hope that the music venue i work at will have more need for temporary help after this particular project ends. this particular project i'm doing most likely ends at the middle or the end of next week. i have done a very good job; my boss makes comments that i am "running the show", that i am superb, incredible, on top of it, etc. it really makes me feel great to be acknowledged for my work. i really like my boss. she's a very kind woman. this assignment i'm doing, being her assistant, has given me a renewed faith in office work. actually, all of my temp assignments from these past few months have renewed my faith. it's a great feeling. in case you don't know, i've "survived" a few terribly abusive office environments (at "permanent" positions) here in new york city. that is why i am temping now. i quit the most recent permanent position due to abuse from my boss. that job environment was the WORST. it takes A LOT for me to be unhappy at a job nowadays. i guess that's the upside of going through hell...anything less than hell seems like cake. but the music venue where i work is cake no matter what. i hope that they'll need temporary services in another aspect and that i can continue on working there. i'm sure that the last day with my boss, i'll cry (in a good way). :)