the exmo

the boy at work is actually from utah, not las vegas (which is where he lived before moving here). he didn't wanna tell me at first because many people think utah and then think mormon and then think ewww. i admit the word "mormon" makes me think ewww, specifically ewww about the whole "mark of cain" shit. i told him i knew utah was more than just a haven for mormons. boy then told me he was raised mormon. i didn't know what to say. i had wondered that earlier, because he told me he'd gone to university in utah and had four sisters. boy told me he's no longer mormon, which i had already surmised from every experience i've had with him. i decided to google boy tonight for fun. i found out that he was a missionary in japan when he was 19-21. he had told me before that he'd lived in japan and spoke japanese, but i didn't ask him what he had been doing there, and he didn't tell me. i had told him i spoke swedish and had lived in sweden, but didn't tell him why and he didn't ask. both stories are hard for us to tell, i think. i was just about to tell him yesterday how i was racking my brain trying to think of a birthday present to get for my mother-in-law, but then i realized he'd ask if i was married, and i would have to explain all about alex. i think that boy and i both have lots of complicated shit in our pasts that is not easy to talk about. i think maybe it's hard for him to get to know people, and i think maybe he's kinda scared at the pace with which we've been getting to know each other, as well as the depth of our friend chemistry. he's a really complex person with many different facets to him, and i don't meet many people like that. he and i share being so multifaceted. anyway, i just cannot for the life of me figure out what his sexual orientation is. but...maybe he can't figure out mine, either. there are some really effeminate things about him, but i think there are also some butch aspects to me. maybe he's like me, with an orientation that doesn't really fit into any box. yeah, for all of my talk about BOYS, i have it in me to be attracted to girls and people who've changed genders or have a gender identity totally outside of that dichotomy. i'm just mostly into boys who were born boys...and it has somewhat to do with the fact that i love ample phalli. nice, cute, sweet boy-boys with substantial meat = what i want. anyway, i want so much to get to know him better. i wish we would hang out outside of work. he hasn't asked me to, though, and i don't wanna ask him to. i'm afraid that i'm feeling the really tight friend chemistry and awesome rapport more than he is. i want him to ask me to hang out outside of work. there's just something deep down about both of us that i feel is the same; something deep-down-similar between us that i feel is there with all of my closest friends and felt with alex. we'll see how things turn out. i really hope i will be his friend after this temp assignment is over in several weeks. anyway, he's quite handsome. yeah, that's right. he's very tall (6'4") but very thin. he told me it's because he had surgery at 5 weeks old that took out part of his small intestine and as a result, he has a crazy metabolism and cannot absorb vitamin b12 or iron. he has medium-dark brown hair and his skin is like, a darker shade of light. like, the strong southwestern sun has left permanent pinks and bronzes and summer freckles on him. he has really great coloring, actually. i think his eyes are blue-green. his eyebrows and eyelashes are very dark. his voice is medium-deep and slightly husky. he is quite stylish in an indie-boy type of way. it's really cute. he loves indie rock, but also loves music from many other genres and time periods. and, he LOVES radiohead and LOVES thom yorke's album, as do i (i listen to that album over and over and over and over and over again). his other job is as a manager at a restaurant. he's very intelligent and down-to-earth and funny and warm and real. i really like talking to him. anyway, i've done a bit of research on ex-mormons, and a nickname for an ex-mormon is "exmo", hence the title of this post. no, exmo is not another swedish word. :)