I Chose the Soda

I haven't had a temp assignment yet this week. It freaks me out each day I don't have something. Because of that, and because I am moving soon, I am trying to get rid of my eBay inventory ASAP. I have almost 80 things on there right now. I lowered the prices on many of the shit I'm selling. Not by much, but enough for me to look even better against all the competition. In the last 24 hours, I've sold $60 worth of DVDs. I hope to keep raking in the bucks at that rate. I dumped a bunch of new releases on there today.

I went outside into the heat to mail out DVDs at the post office. I wanted to stop at the liquor store on the walk home. "Just this once", I told myself. Yeah, "just this once" is what I keep saying, and how I keep drinking. Well, I passed the liquor store twice, on the way to and from the grocery store. I bought a 2-liter bottle of diet orange soda and a 20-oz. bottle of wild cherry seltzer. I got taco shells and hot dog buns to use with my soy taco filling and my tofu pups. I didn't buy the alcohol. Too bad they don't sell Stewart's or Boylan in my neighborhood. They have Caribbean soda, but I'm very Americentric about soda. I want the American classics. Last night I told Alex that I would try my very, very best not to drink at all. He doesn't want me to hurt myself. I know it pains him to see me hurt myself. My birthday present to Alex is to try my very best to choose something unharmful over alcohol. His father was such an alcoholic that he had a liver transplant. Did I ever mention that I hate his father?

I was so depressed and sunken yesterday and today, until I received an e-mail from his mother this afternoon. She thanked me for the cards I sent to them in the mail. The tides turned when I read her message. I remember how she and the rest of his family saved my life after he died. I think we all saved each others' lives. We got through those first acute months by leaning on each other all the time. It was so hard to move back to the States, to New York City, where it seemed like everyone was so cold and uncaring. I wish I could be there in Stockholm with Alex's family this very moment. I'll go as soon as I can. I was thinking I could go visit them with some of this retirement payout. No, not when I have to move. No luck so far on finding a roommate. Shit. I'm partially packed already. I'll continue to pack tonight. I'm gonna start on a "Kitchen" box next.

I'm gonna go do laundry and take out recycling now. Bye.