flores de muchos colores

okay, this lawyer i'm working for is nicer than i can believe. i was really fucking stupid last night and drank a whole pint of vodka, mixed with diet citrus soda. i was shitfaced drunk. i don't even remember what kind of blabberings were coming out of my mouth. i just kept blabbing on to mr. j about god knows what. then i got sick and went to lay down. i then proceeded to the bathroom to upchuck my entire fucking dinner and then i passed out in my bed. i was soooo hung over this morning. i made myself upchuck more. it was burning-hot stomach acid. don't you love my blog? i give all the details you DON'T wanna know. anyway, i was about 15 minutes late to work because it took so long for me to get ready, due to the nausea and dizziness. my boss was totally cool about it. she felt really bad for me because i was sick. of course i didn't tell her it was due to alcohol abuse the night before. i told her a semi-truth, though: that i was sick most likely due to stress. and why the fuck do i drink alcohol? it's a stupid reaction to stress. well, after a few hours, i felt like i'd feel better if something were in my stomach. she told me to eat rice, ginger, and drink chamomile tea. she offered to go out and get me some rice. she insisted on it, actually. i thanked her. she insisted on paying for it. 15 minutes later, she comes back with the following items:

1) warm basmati rice with spinach and mushroom
2) warm brown rice with carrot and tofu
3) a package of organic unsalted plain brown rice crackers
4) a box of organic medicinal-strength chamomile tea
5) two bottles of reed's extra ginger brew
6) a medium-size tub of sugared ginger slices
7) a bottle of coke
8) two packages of instant thai rice noodles with ginger seasoning
9) a package of organic brown rice pasta
10) a homeopathic remedy for nausea
11) a homeopathic remedy for stress
12) a huge bouquet of flowers

can you fucking believe that?!?!? she bought me two bags of groceries to try to help me feel better! and a huge bouquet of flowers? i have NEVER been treated so kindly by someone i work for! it's almost insane how much she bought for me. she's just unbelievably kind and generous. that's just how she is. she bought me chocolate yesterday because i was on the rag and craving cacao products. i mean, she bought me expensive swiss and italian chocolates. she's always buying candy and cakes for the whole office. the people at that office are just really nice and down-to-earth and friendly. i was just talking to my ugandan friend, who worked with me at the job from hell that i quit almost a year ago. we were talking about how horrible things there were, and how incredibly great things are for us at our jobs now. she works at columbia now. i wish i could work for this lawyer for the rest of the summer and also perhaps help her out a bit as a part-time gig after i begin school. hmmm....maybe! my temp experiences these past few months have really shown me that there are many nice people out there, and that the reason why i was abused by my colleague at my first new york job and was abused by my boss at the job i quit last year, really has NOTHING to do with me. i really DIDN'T deserve that treatment. deep down, i've blamed myself for deserving the abuse, until now. the kindness and compassion that the lawyer shows me is how i treat other people. i'm a good worker and a hard worker. i'm a nice and friendly person. i deserve to be treated the way i've been treated at my temp gigs these past few months. i don't deserve shit treatment. anyone who treats me like shit does so because they're a miserable bully. i will never allow myself to be bullied again. another thing about the lawyer: she's a vegetarian and is really caring about animals. she does some animal rescues. she's fascinated by the field of animal-assisted therapy. i'd love to continue to be in touch with her after my temp assignment is over. we have lots in common and she's a complete joy to be around. i am so thankful that i have such a wonderful environment to be in every workday. so, so, so thankful!!! i'm so grateful to be around nice people!!! this pic is of the flowers she got for me:


i am gonna see the firefighter again soon. i just have to figure out a night when mr. j won't be home and when mr. firefighter is free. i hope it's soon. i have physical needs. as for my emotional needs, i just have to wait. the kind of man i want as a partner is very kind like the lawyer and like my friends and like all the other folks i admire. the kind of man i want to be with is a positive person in others' lives, and he brings joy to those who know him. alex was like that. he was like a warm summer day. that was alex. a huge void exists where his lovely, friendly voice, his big hugs and his laughter were. i try to counter that void by doing positive things in his memory. now every kind word and action of mine is partly my own and partly in loving memory of him.

tomorrow i was gonna go clean the old lair, but i think i'll do that on sunday. my dad will come over and help me out some with the lair and the bird nest, and maybe we'll go to the jackson diner for dinner. i love their food, and i love how they give you a whole pitcher of water (i'm a big water drinker). i spent the fourth of july alone on the roof of the building, gabbing on the phone with my friend in chicago. it was raining. the building is not that high, but it's higher than all the buildings near it. i could see 360 degrees around. i saw fireworks shows going on all over the area: queens, long island, brooklyn, new jersey, manhattan, westchester, the bronx. of course the big one was on the east river. my poor friend was experiencing informal, renegade fireworks displays being shot off by her neighbors. she's not in love with chicago, but new york wasn't so good to her. ugh. :(

well, i am gonna go rest now. me n' blue.