torsdag den sjuttonde januari
hi, i am now listening to radiohead's "in rainbows". i borrowed it from my sister. i am going to buy it from the record store soon. i really like it. my favorite song is #7. i don't know the name of it. i also want to get björk's newest album and also a compilation of heart's greatest hits from the '70s and early '80s. it's good to have new music to listen to. oh, and i want arrested development's new album, too.
yesterday was really a bad mental health day. so were monday and tuesday, actually. i cried at work both days, out of frustration. just, my job is really fucking hard. i work in foster care in the south bronx. it's fucking difficult shit, and the clients are hard to work with sometimes, and the system drives me insane, and the agency is disorganized and somewhat incompetent, and my intern mate at work left her placement because of the agency not giving her enough clinical work. i don't get any clinical work, either. i am basically a case manager, and i hate it. i want to work at a school next year, preferably the one for queer youth...or another alternative school somewhere. i get to have a big say in my placement for next year, so i should at least get placed in a school. when i get my msw, i am NOT working in foster care.
i haven't been consistent on my meds for the past week or so, and i think that's also why my mental health has deteriorated. my dad came over last night cuz he was in queens for something work related, and we went to a drugstore so i could get my med prescription filled, and i got a few pampering products. we watched some tv. he got me some root beer (i'm addicted to root beer right now) and dinner. i felt like he saved my life cuz my mental state was so fucked up. now i have my meds again and i am taking them like clockwork. i need to have my head on straight for the beginning of school.
next week, school begins. i am missing one class, and it's stressing me out. this class i wanted is full, and i keep trying to add it since it's add-drop period, but it is consistently full, so i need to talk to the office of student services and ask them to please help me. did i already tell you that i got a 3.9175 GPA last semester? yeah! i would have had a 4.0, but i got one A-. i have kinda been in touch with my schoolfriends through facebook over the break, but i haven't actually seen any of them since last semester ended. i wonder if i'm just really only a schoolfriend to them and not someone they'd be friends with anyway? i really like them a lot and would be friends with them anyway. oh, well.
last saturday, i met a cute boy. he's probably somewhat younger than i am (early 20s?). i mean, not that he's immature at all, cuz he's actually very cool and seems very together. maybe he's not so much younger. i mean, folks think i look way younger than i really am. i met him at an anti-fur demonstration. he gets MAJOR, MAJOR points for that in my book. he was really, really nice, friendly, and positive. when i protest fur, i am usually polite to people unless they are really fucking rude to me, and this boy has the same attitude as i have. my purpose in protesting fur is not to insult people, but to try to engage them and educate them about where their fur comes from. insults don't help animals. education helps animals because it helps folks to see that cruelty to animals is wrong. this boy has the same mindset as i do about all of this. there's another protest on january 26th that i am going to go to. i hope he's there. he told me he regularly goes to these things. this is my first protest with others. i usually leaflet alone. it's great to be in a group with other folks doing this together. the boy (i'll call him diego here) and i exchanged telephone numbers cuz i have a creative protest idea that has to do with educating folks about fur trim on parka hoods and labeling laws, and he thought the idea was really cool and wanted to do the protest with me. he hasn't called me yet. i don't wanna be the one to call him. i was the one who approached him at the protest and started talking. i want the man to make the first move now that i introduced myself into his life. he came to stand next to me in the line of protesters, he was cute and looked nice and i got a good vibe, and i just plunged right in with engaging him in conversation. like so many boys i'm attracted to, he's tall, dark, and handsome. i'm almost sure he's chicano and he said he's from texas. maybe he'll call me, or maybe we can hang out after the protest on the 26th. it would be nice to find a really cool boy to date. oh, and later on in the protest, his roommate came by and was super-friendly and open. like, both guys have really good vibes. i'll find out more about mr. diego next time we meet, and then i'll report back here. it's okay if diego's a bit younger than i am. alex was younger than me. okay, alex was only 9 months younger than me, but at the time i met him i had been involved with older men who were emotionally immature and i was starting to believe i'd have to date 20 years above my age to get someone on par with me. see? ya never, never know. i could still be on par with diego, even if he WEREN'T born in the '70s! :) i've been wondering if i would meet the next special boy of my life through something i cared deeply about. it would be cool if mr. diego and i were to find out we liked each other a lot. i'm taking this too far in my imagination, but a girl can dream a little, can't she? it would be nice to have a boy. i been tellin' you, that's WHAT I WANT!!!!!
i still struggle to be more humane in my habits. i struggle with dairy products. if i truly followed my ethics, i would be vegan. i hate myself for not having the willpower to be able to give dairy up completely. i gave up milk like, 11 years ago. i hope to be able to give it all up someday. i'd feel like less of a hypocrite.
i was gonna do a rescue of two pit bull pups last weekend, but i could not get the guy who had the info on the pups to get me in touch with the pups' "owner". i really hope the "owner" gave the pups away to people who wanted them as loving companions and not to raise into fighting dogs. i am fucking pissed that i could not rescue them, nor could i call the aspca on the guy, cuz i didn't have the guy's name and address. the animal shelter i volunteer at was gonna take the pups and find homes for them (i wish i could have taken one or both of them in myself). i met one of their siblings at work. a woman at work had adopted a pup and was the one who told me about the guy who had more of them. i really hope those pups are okay. spay and neuter your damn dogs, people!
people fucking piss me off no end. people are so fucking uncaring about how their actions or inactions affect other animals, and i am so fucking sick of seeing it and hearing about it and knowing it exists. like, that shit is part of why my mental health is strained sometimes. a boy at the protest last saturday said that someday, fur farms and trapping and shit will be made illegal. i hope he's right. i'm so sick of it. this world is better off without human beings.
i borrowed over $2,000 from my sister, so i have been able to pay my rent and all of my bills. i should get my student loans within two weeks. then i can pay her back and buy some rugs and buy my plane ticket to sweden and a train ticket to atlanta.
my friend's moving back on the 27th and is gonna stay with me while she settles in. :) yay!
i'm still reading the golden compass. i'm at the part where lyra just got caught snooping on mrs. coulter and the other gobblers at bolvangar. my friend in england is reading the book, too, and we discuss it as we go along. yes, i am still regularly talking with my friend in england, the boy i met online about a year ago. he's a good guy. anyway, i think it's fitting that this horrible bitch of a lady in the book is called "mrs. coulter". reminds me of the other horrible coulter bitch, ANN coulter. yech!
i am gonna fix my lair a little now. ya know, my friend's moving in for a while, and i don't want it to be as messy as it is now. i need to clean it anyway. i desperately need rugs. my floor is WHITE LINOLEUM. it's so fucking gross.
today's a better day. i feel lots better mentally. tomorrow, i have to go to work again. ugh. and i have to make a home visit to the 17-year-old who bitched me out in the agency reception room on tuesday. this is the boy who had told me he was in a gang, did drugs, and sold drugs. this is the boy who then told me that he was lying about all those things. he bitched me out at the agency because i told my supervisor, his foster parents, and other responsible adults what he had said and we called together a special meeting about it. yeah, i have to go to his house on friday night and see that things are cool in the home, and then i'll sit there with him and he's probably gonna ignore me, so you know what i am gonna do? i am bringing my book and i will sit there and read it and leave when my time is up. seriously. and if he starts bitching me out again, i am gonna get up and leave then and there.
this weekend, i am cleaning my lair and getting ready for the first week of school. i also need to do laundry. i know, my life is sooooo interesting! :p
yesterday was really a bad mental health day. so were monday and tuesday, actually. i cried at work both days, out of frustration. just, my job is really fucking hard. i work in foster care in the south bronx. it's fucking difficult shit, and the clients are hard to work with sometimes, and the system drives me insane, and the agency is disorganized and somewhat incompetent, and my intern mate at work left her placement because of the agency not giving her enough clinical work. i don't get any clinical work, either. i am basically a case manager, and i hate it. i want to work at a school next year, preferably the one for queer youth...or another alternative school somewhere. i get to have a big say in my placement for next year, so i should at least get placed in a school. when i get my msw, i am NOT working in foster care.
i haven't been consistent on my meds for the past week or so, and i think that's also why my mental health has deteriorated. my dad came over last night cuz he was in queens for something work related, and we went to a drugstore so i could get my med prescription filled, and i got a few pampering products. we watched some tv. he got me some root beer (i'm addicted to root beer right now) and dinner. i felt like he saved my life cuz my mental state was so fucked up. now i have my meds again and i am taking them like clockwork. i need to have my head on straight for the beginning of school.
next week, school begins. i am missing one class, and it's stressing me out. this class i wanted is full, and i keep trying to add it since it's add-drop period, but it is consistently full, so i need to talk to the office of student services and ask them to please help me. did i already tell you that i got a 3.9175 GPA last semester? yeah! i would have had a 4.0, but i got one A-. i have kinda been in touch with my schoolfriends through facebook over the break, but i haven't actually seen any of them since last semester ended. i wonder if i'm just really only a schoolfriend to them and not someone they'd be friends with anyway? i really like them a lot and would be friends with them anyway. oh, well.
last saturday, i met a cute boy. he's probably somewhat younger than i am (early 20s?). i mean, not that he's immature at all, cuz he's actually very cool and seems very together. maybe he's not so much younger. i mean, folks think i look way younger than i really am. i met him at an anti-fur demonstration. he gets MAJOR, MAJOR points for that in my book. he was really, really nice, friendly, and positive. when i protest fur, i am usually polite to people unless they are really fucking rude to me, and this boy has the same attitude as i have. my purpose in protesting fur is not to insult people, but to try to engage them and educate them about where their fur comes from. insults don't help animals. education helps animals because it helps folks to see that cruelty to animals is wrong. this boy has the same mindset as i do about all of this. there's another protest on january 26th that i am going to go to. i hope he's there. he told me he regularly goes to these things. this is my first protest with others. i usually leaflet alone. it's great to be in a group with other folks doing this together. the boy (i'll call him diego here) and i exchanged telephone numbers cuz i have a creative protest idea that has to do with educating folks about fur trim on parka hoods and labeling laws, and he thought the idea was really cool and wanted to do the protest with me. he hasn't called me yet. i don't wanna be the one to call him. i was the one who approached him at the protest and started talking. i want the man to make the first move now that i introduced myself into his life. he came to stand next to me in the line of protesters, he was cute and looked nice and i got a good vibe, and i just plunged right in with engaging him in conversation. like so many boys i'm attracted to, he's tall, dark, and handsome. i'm almost sure he's chicano and he said he's from texas. maybe he'll call me, or maybe we can hang out after the protest on the 26th. it would be nice to find a really cool boy to date. oh, and later on in the protest, his roommate came by and was super-friendly and open. like, both guys have really good vibes. i'll find out more about mr. diego next time we meet, and then i'll report back here. it's okay if diego's a bit younger than i am. alex was younger than me. okay, alex was only 9 months younger than me, but at the time i met him i had been involved with older men who were emotionally immature and i was starting to believe i'd have to date 20 years above my age to get someone on par with me. see? ya never, never know. i could still be on par with diego, even if he WEREN'T born in the '70s! :) i've been wondering if i would meet the next special boy of my life through something i cared deeply about. it would be cool if mr. diego and i were to find out we liked each other a lot. i'm taking this too far in my imagination, but a girl can dream a little, can't she? it would be nice to have a boy. i been tellin' you, that's WHAT I WANT!!!!!
i still struggle to be more humane in my habits. i struggle with dairy products. if i truly followed my ethics, i would be vegan. i hate myself for not having the willpower to be able to give dairy up completely. i gave up milk like, 11 years ago. i hope to be able to give it all up someday. i'd feel like less of a hypocrite.
i was gonna do a rescue of two pit bull pups last weekend, but i could not get the guy who had the info on the pups to get me in touch with the pups' "owner". i really hope the "owner" gave the pups away to people who wanted them as loving companions and not to raise into fighting dogs. i am fucking pissed that i could not rescue them, nor could i call the aspca on the guy, cuz i didn't have the guy's name and address. the animal shelter i volunteer at was gonna take the pups and find homes for them (i wish i could have taken one or both of them in myself). i met one of their siblings at work. a woman at work had adopted a pup and was the one who told me about the guy who had more of them. i really hope those pups are okay. spay and neuter your damn dogs, people!
people fucking piss me off no end. people are so fucking uncaring about how their actions or inactions affect other animals, and i am so fucking sick of seeing it and hearing about it and knowing it exists. like, that shit is part of why my mental health is strained sometimes. a boy at the protest last saturday said that someday, fur farms and trapping and shit will be made illegal. i hope he's right. i'm so sick of it. this world is better off without human beings.
i borrowed over $2,000 from my sister, so i have been able to pay my rent and all of my bills. i should get my student loans within two weeks. then i can pay her back and buy some rugs and buy my plane ticket to sweden and a train ticket to atlanta.
my friend's moving back on the 27th and is gonna stay with me while she settles in. :) yay!
i'm still reading the golden compass. i'm at the part where lyra just got caught snooping on mrs. coulter and the other gobblers at bolvangar. my friend in england is reading the book, too, and we discuss it as we go along. yes, i am still regularly talking with my friend in england, the boy i met online about a year ago. he's a good guy. anyway, i think it's fitting that this horrible bitch of a lady in the book is called "mrs. coulter". reminds me of the other horrible coulter bitch, ANN coulter. yech!
i am gonna fix my lair a little now. ya know, my friend's moving in for a while, and i don't want it to be as messy as it is now. i need to clean it anyway. i desperately need rugs. my floor is WHITE LINOLEUM. it's so fucking gross.
today's a better day. i feel lots better mentally. tomorrow, i have to go to work again. ugh. and i have to make a home visit to the 17-year-old who bitched me out in the agency reception room on tuesday. this is the boy who had told me he was in a gang, did drugs, and sold drugs. this is the boy who then told me that he was lying about all those things. he bitched me out at the agency because i told my supervisor, his foster parents, and other responsible adults what he had said and we called together a special meeting about it. yeah, i have to go to his house on friday night and see that things are cool in the home, and then i'll sit there with him and he's probably gonna ignore me, so you know what i am gonna do? i am bringing my book and i will sit there and read it and leave when my time is up. seriously. and if he starts bitching me out again, i am gonna get up and leave then and there.
this weekend, i am cleaning my lair and getting ready for the first week of school. i also need to do laundry. i know, my life is sooooo interesting! :p
posted by Blåbär Björn at 15:36
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