a positive rush

i dunno. so many positive things are happening to me, and i am not used to it! just incredibly good things are happening to me! it's so strange, but i am basking in each moment of goodness that comes my way.

yesterday, my boss asked me to stay on another week. yay! another week of steady employment with these really great folks i work with! yeah, it's not just my boss who's nice (though she is the nicest of the bunch). it's also pretty much everyone i work with. the colleague of mine who lives in the bronx is serious about trying to help me out in getting a cute little studio apartment. she invited me to come to her apartment and neighborhood and hang out. so, i hope to set up a real date to do that soon. she's super-duper cool! then there are the folks i don't directly work with but who i see in passing multiple times a day and share pleasantries and crack little jokes with. just down-to-earth NICE folks! :)

i actually had a little mental breakdown yesterday afternoon because i was really nervous and scared about today, and my e-mail and computer at work are fucked up and i wasn't receiving an important document i was waiting to get so that i could work on it, and i just moved out of my lair (i lived in that lair longer than i have lived in any one place since i was age 17 and left the house of my mother, which i had lived in for 7 years, to go off to college). it was a big deal to move out of the lair. it's stressful to move, period. it's stressful to try to settle temporarily in the bird nest, especially when the weather is hotter and stickier than the underside of a gorilla's nutbag. it's really stressful trying to think about where the fuck i am gonna live in the fall and will i find a place in northern manhattan or in the bronx? and i thought that my temp assignment was ending on friday and i was upset about that because i really like working at this place, and it's nice to know where next week's paycheck is coming from. so i broke down a bit and my boss took me into her office and closed the door and fed me chocolate-covered espresso beans and green tea and gave me tissues and comforted me and i gathered myself together in a few minutes, and then a while later, she came and asked me if i would like to stay on with them another week (i guess she convinced the hr guy that she needed me longer) and i said "YES!!!"

today i didn't go to work. i am currently typing on this blog from a computer in the library of the university's school of social work. i came here this morning for a "retention session" and a "waiver exam". the session included talks and q & a's by the head of admissions, the asst. director of student services, the health care folks, the computing folks, the financial aid folks, etc. i've been scared about coming. i sooo want this grad school thing to work out well! i soooo want to have a positive experience at school and get my msw and be a fierce, kick-ass social worker!!! when i first came today, i felt really scared and the old, negative voices in my head started talking, but i told them to shut up, and the positive, strong voices chimed in. i actually asked questions (i rarely speak up in public in front of a bunch of people) and participated and got a lot of great info and the university folks were really helpful and great, and it was a really positive experience! this university has SOOOOO many great resources of all different kinds, and i am gonna know them all well and use them well and get my money's worth out of them and do my best to have a great experience here! i also met several nice fellow new students. :) it was nice! yeah, now i see even more how the level of quality at this institution is WAAAAY high, and i am very glad to be going here.

i also found out that all of us folks who are eligible for work-study were put into a "hat" and a few were randomly chosen to receive it (i wasn't one of them) because the feds didn't give the school nearly enough work-study money to give to all of us who qualify for it...but if they get more money from the feds, i very well might get a work-study award next semester or year. also, i found out that i can work for the office of disability services or one of the other health services offices WITHOUT having to have work-study, and the hours are flexible and they pay $15/hour! my ass is totally on that! i would love to help students with disabilities have more access to what they need here!!! i would love that job! i would love any sort of health services job! hello? the mental health services office? the gay health advocacy project? women's health services? i'd totally be on any of that!

i am now killing time until the shindig at 6:30 with my old friends from the old job i quit last august. we're meeting down in greenwich village and i am going to drink shirley temples while they sip their booze. i've been pretty good about the booze ever since the "sick session" last week. the other night, i had some sake, but that was it. now i am gonna browse around the library for a while and get myself more familiar with the library resources, and then i will head on down the hill to the post office to send out a dvd and hop on the downtown train to meet my friends.

life is working out for me right now. like, it's not all fucked up and horrible. and...even if something fucked up and horrible happened, it wouldn't break me. i won't let horrible shit break me anymore.