lördag den nittonde januari

okay, i am calming down about diego. it's just nice to know such a boy as that exists. i imagine that most people can find lots of other people who have similar values and passions and beliefs as theirs, and that they can find lots of other people who are not weird about them because of their racial makeup or sexual orientation or body type or such things. and i guess the hard part about most folks' partner search is to pick one out of the many who fit their criteria. well, i can't even fucking find someone who fits the criteria for me. such a person is extremely rare, apparently. so maybe i become overexcited when i meet someone who seems to fit my criteria. of course, if diego had texted or e-mailed me back after i texted him my e-mail address, i would not now feel like such a loser for trying to communicate with him, but i now feel like a loser, and there's nothing worse than having your e-mail and sms inboxes bleep empty when you want a message in them. i can't fucking live like that. i lived like that enough in the past. so...if it's meant to be, diego will be in my life. in the second of nine prayers last night, i asked st. jude to please bring me the person who is right for me, and if it is diego, please show me soon that it's him, and if it's not him, please show me soon that it's not him, and please then bring me the one soon. i am ready for it. so i will update what goes or doesn't go on with mr. diego....and if nothing happens, it wasn't meant to be.

i'm cleaning my lair in preparation for my friend's arrival next sunday. i need to clean it anyway. i feel like i am swimming in junk. i dunno how i accumulate so much fucking SHIT!!!

i saw a really good film last night: "the kite runner". i had NO idea what it was about at all, whatsoever. i trusted that it was very good, though, because my two friends who invited me expressed such interest in seeing it. it was very beautiful and moving. i found it fascinating. i was particularly very impressed by the acting of the boys who played young amir and hassan. i want to read the book now. the book is at the top of my list of books to read after the "his dark materials" trilogy. i'm almost done with "the golden compass" now...i have less than 100 pages to go. even though i am starting school again this coming week, i want to make a little time to do pleasure reading every day. maybe during my commute.

"in rainbows" grows on me more the more i hear it. i am also listening to "the eraser" some more. i can't find my "pablo honey" record. maybe it's still packed away. i guess i will fix up my lair to the soundtrack of radiohead and its members this weekend. music really is healing.