lördag den tjugotredje februari

update on boy:

i was too scared to approach him this past wednesday. the first time i saw him was at lunchtime. i was talking to a friend, and he was standing near me talking to a group he's doing a project with. i could see out of the corner of my eye that he kept looking at me and being distracted from his group by what i was saying to my friend. i pretended not to notice he was there.

second time i saw him on wednesday was in class. he has to walk right in front of me to get to his seat. as he walked by me, he looked at me shyly and smiled. i looked at him shyly and smiled back. during the class break, he ran out to get coffee. at the end of class, he was stalling on leaving the room. maybe he was hoping i'd come talk to him. i freaked out and left the room. i went out into the hall and checked my mail. once i knew he was by the elevators, i started walking towards them. he looked my way, turned, and went up the stairs!

a few minutes later, i am outside and notice he's out there, too. i pretend not to see him. i look into the lobby through the glass windows from outside. i am waiting for a friend. i am also on the phone. i can see through the reflection in the glass that he notices me standing there and his eyes get as wide as saucers and he freezes. i internally freak out and am all talking on the phone pretending to look in the window. he then comes walking really fast past me into the building.

on thursday, the only time i see him is after classes in the computer lab. he's sitting there at a computer. the lab has lots of empty seats. i choose the one right next to him. i come up and say, "hi" to him and he glances up at me and mumbles a hello. he looks freaked out. i sit down and don't try to talk more to him cuz he seems freaked out and nervous, but i sit there doing my stuff, trying to be calm and send off warm vibes, and i also chat with a few friends across the lab from me. when i get up to go print stuff out, he gets up from his seat and walks out of the lab very quickly. he forgets to sign out of his computer, even.

this morning, i sent him a gift on the social networking site that i messaged him on and that he invited me to be friends on. i am trying to thaw him out. it seems like he is perhaps crushing hard on me and doesn't know what to do with himself around me. well, i am a very nice person, and he has no reason to fear me. i realize i have no reason to fear him, either. he's just a person too, albeit very, very, very cute. so, i am feeling much less scared now that i know he's scared too (even more scared than i am). so i hope to thaw him out some more this coming wednesday. maybe i will get him to have a conversation with me. :)

i am really, really, really NOT used to boys crushing on me and being intimidated by me or shy around me, etc. it has rarely happened to me. it's weird, quite frankly. like, he's soooo shy around me!!! well, my agenda for the coming weeks regarding this boy is to be very kind, friendly, and warm. i will also try to make somewhat of an ass out of myself and try to make him laugh in order for him to feel more comfortable around me.

i can't wait to see him on wednesday.

fredag den femtonde februari

yeah, i have a new crush. this one has potential, though. this guy and i are weird around each other. like, looking but pretending not to look. coming close by and then retreating and trying to act nonchalant. he is VERY, VERY, VERY cute. and i just messaged him on one of the social networking sites i'm on. he sent back a request to be my friend. :) i'm so corny. this guy is in one of my classes. i hadn't had a class with him before. now i do. and his eyes are breathtaking. they're like alex's eyes, actually: deep-set and hazel, with long, dark eyelashes. mah gawwwwd. the kind of eyes that can make you swoon.


UPDATE:
i wish the boy had messaged me back instead of just sending a friend request. he has like, over 100 friends there, so maybe sending a friend request was just his way of not really meaning anything or saying anything as a response. whatever. i should not have messaged him. i shouldn't go after boys anymore. they always reject me.

torsdag den sjunde februari

hi. i'm off one of my meds. i ran out and i could not get another prescription because i could not walk all the way to the counseling center. i finally got a prescription today. i will fill it tomorrow.

i was able to go to school this week. school's cool. it's great to see my schoolfriends, and i like my classes. another cute boy is in one of my classes. he acts kind-of awkward around me. we've never spoken to each other, but he kept glancing at me and acted awkward when he walked past me. i don't want to get excited about it. i've had too many let-downs. i won't get excited unless something happens between me and him.

yeah, so my mental health is suffering due to being off of the meds. i am also kind of suffering because it's hard to have a broken toe and my home routine is now different. i'm trying to adjust to everything. i kinda broke down a bit after school when i had dinner with a friend. i kinda had to cry. yeah, mental health can be fragile.

on saturday, there's another anti-fur protest. it's a valentine's day protest. i am gonna get angel wings with hearts on them and throw heart confetti and hand out brochures and educate folks about fur trim. and, like last time, i'll be wearing fantastic mr. fox on my head. he's very cute. :) i dunno if diego's gonna be there. i wish he'd go so that he can help me with my little action i'm doing. i'm over my crush on him, but he'd be fun to demonstrate with. he's a nice guy and he's passionate about this issue.

this past tuesday, i was in spanish harlem all evening, holding signs and handing out literature and talking to people about obama. it was really, really exciting. and, i felt that even though i could not vote in the primary, i put in a lot of work to help out the campaign on super tuesday. i am pleased that obama did how he did, and i hope he keeps doing better and better as time goes on. obama's da maaaaan! :)

söndag den andra februari

i tried walking to the subway on thursday. i made it half a block. my foot wasn't ready for it. i missed the second day of school. i missed my internship on friday.

it's sunday. i keep obsessing over how things are going for my man, obama. i have hope that he will do well in the primaries. please, god. we need this. please answer my prayers. our country deserves better. please bring us better. i want mr. obammies to win.

i am making tofu scramble right now. yummy. or, maybe i should not make it, cuz we are going out to eat in three hours. maybe i'll have something like the empanadas. i'll make tofu scramble later. maybe i'll make it tonight in order to eat for lunch this coming week. yeah. i'm gonna have those mushroom potato empanadas now.

i've been doing reading for school. it makes me more excited for this semester. i love what social work is about. i love what it stands for. i am proud to be in this field.